My fat days were coming to an end as the curvy body positivity movement started to make its away into our social media feeds and onto our TVs. There was Gabourey Sidibe’s sexy love scene on the TV show ‘Empire.’ Ashley Graham, a plus-sized model, graced the cover of Sports Illustrated Magazine—the swimsuit edition! Then curvy yoga became a thing with incredible women such as Jessaymn Stanley and Valerie Sagun.
Torrid Fashion filled their catalogs and flooded their Instagram account with women who actually looked like me. Women who weren’t pear shaped (small on top and big on the bottom), but women who carried their weight in their midsections—round bellies and ample-bosomed.
All this big-girl love and curvy body appreciation was happening right after I had weight loss surgery. Had the movement taken place earlier, maybe I would have spent fewer years hurling insults at myself and stopped the self-bullying.
One day, completely fatigued from the war I had been waging, I gave up. I threw up the white flag of surrender. I realized that verbally abusing my body and bullying myself wasn’t working. It never does. Hurling insults and body shaming yourself never nets positive results. Rather, it sends you to the kitchen in search of comfort. I decided to end the war and write my body a love letter.
I share it with you in the hopes that you’ll learn to forgive yourself, love yourself for where you are right now so you can begin the journey to healing and wholeness.
Dear Body,First, let me apologize for how I’ve treated you over the years. I’ve yelled at you, abused you, called you names, looked at you with disgust and contempt and then wonder why you didn’t change.I’m truly sorry.Thank you Body, for supporting me through my madness. Thank you for supporting me through this journey. Heart, you kept beating. Legs, feet, back and spine, you took the brunt of my abuse and still allowed me to walk, move and do what I had to do. Thank you.To my beautiful skin. I’ve asked a lot of you. You stretched and grew to accommodate my plummeting self-esteem. You only did what you had to and I can’t be mad at you.To my belly and back. You were hit hardest with my harsh words and criticism. Oh, how I loathed you. I despised how you made me look in clothes. I. Am. So. Sorry.To every inch of me, I say I love you and I will do my best to support you. To allow you to be healthy and whole. I’m going to do everything in my power to unburden you of my emotional distress. You didn’t ask you to wear it or carry it but you did to the best of your ability. Again, I apologize.Body, I honor your resilience, your tenacity, and your adaptability. You are amazing and I appreciate you.Let’s work together to undo the years of damage.I want the best for you.I want you to be healthy.I love you.Sincerely,Lisa