I learned a long time ago that we can choose our response to many of life’s circumstances.
We do have options.
One of my options during my hellish encounter was to stay mad. Big mad.
But I’ve witnessed first-hand what bitterness and anger do to a person.
I know what harboring hurt and resentment look like and it’s not a good look.
And I didn’t want that for myself.
I didn’t want to recall the event years later with the same passion and anger as though it had just happened.
That ain’t healthy.
Your body doesn’t know the event is 20 years old. It just knows that your blood pressure and heart rate are up and that you’re in some kind of danger.
I know people who can recall with great clarity a 20-year incident and spew it out with the same venom. And then have the nerve to tell me after their tirade they’re over it.
That’s no way to live and I’m choosing to live my best life. My goal is to glow from the inside for all of my remaining summers! To be hydrated and moisturized to the gods!
I didn’t want to be consumed (or defined) by those series of events. I am more than my trauma.
So instead of choosing to stay big mad, I chose to heal.
And I chose to forgive myself. (More on that in a future post.)
I refused to let years pass and be in the same emotional state. I PROMISED GOD and myself that would not be my fate!
For me, that amounts to failure and I don’t like to fail.
So, I pursued healing.
And here’s the thing about healing…there are layers to it and you’re always evolving.
That’s how I’m able to finally write about the experience from a stable place.
Sure, there are PTSD moments and triggers but at least I’m aware and have the tools to work through them.
Staying big mad was never an option for me. It was an easy decision but it took work! It took a lot of tears. Lots of journaling. Uncomfortable conversations with my therapist. But it was all absolutely worth it.
My prayer for you today is that you would…
Life is way too short for anything else.