What I wanted was for my husband to open doors for me but I never gave him the chance. I tend to walk fast so I would beat him to the car door and instead of waiting, I’d open it myself. Then I’d get mad because I “had” to open my own door.
Has something similar happened to you? You say you want something but you end up sabotaging yourself? My husband learned to let me open my own door because that’s how I taught him to interact with me in that situation. Those moments I did slow down, he didn’t stray from programming because again, my previous actions said, “I open my own doors” even though this is something I really wanted from him.
We train people how to interact with us. We tend to not get what we want because we’ve trained people not to respond to our wants and needs.
If we convince ourselves that only when we reach a certain milestone will we be worthy of love and being shown love then we behave in a way that pushes people back.
If we threaten our children with discipline and never follow through, we’ve trained our children not to take us seriously.
Keep repeating these patterns and we’ve trained people to withhold from giving us what we truly want and need whether it be love or cooperation.
It goes back to controlling our own “throwed-off’ thinking.
It goes back to what we tell ourselves daily and what we believe even if what we believe isn’t true.
If we can change how we think about ourselves, dismiss the lies we’ve told ourselves about ourselves we open the door to receive what we really want from life and out of our relationships.
Lisa N. Alexander is the author and founder of This Woman Knows and What Million-Dollar Brands Know. She is an award-winning filmmaker, director, producer, and writer and is the owner of PrettyWork Creative.
oh my goodness, I do the same thing–I get mad when he doesn’t open the door, but because I’m such an independent woman, I feel silly, like I can’t open the door on my own? So I exert my independence, and the poor man is left scratching his head. “We train people how to interact with us. We tend to not get what we want because we’ve trained people not to respond to our wants and needs.” SO TRUE!!! Great, succinct message.
Thanks Mary! Here’s to retraining people and getting our needs met!