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I’ve seen what happens to ‘nice girls’ who revolt played out on Netflix series and have even read about their questionable behavior in a few articles.

Shucks, I was that girl.

If you’ve ever had the opportunity to hear my presentation ‘Death of a Nice Girl,‘ you know that ‘being nice’ can lead women down a road filled with regret, anger, and lots of passive aggressive behavior. You can watch a clip of the presentation here.

When ‘nice girls’ finally come to themselves and understand that they can say no, use that word to their benefit, and that they truly do have choices; they absolutely flip.

Their behavior (mine certainly was) could be viewed as selfish because the former ‘nice girl’ is now trying to make up for lost time.

She realizes that she’s been living a life that wasn’t authentically hers and she’s pissed. And she can come off as selfish because now it’s all about her. Her compassion may take a temporary leave of absence while she sorts out and creates a new life for herself.

In my experience, being a ‘nice girl’ is considered an extreme behavior. She is the martyr for everyone’s cause except her own. She’s miserable and resentful and she only seeks to please others. She needs people to like her so she’ll do whatever she must to win people’s approval.

Once she awakens, more times than not, that pendulum will swing forcefully and violently in the opposite direction. That’s when compassion and empathy temporarily take a back seat. But don’t worry, wholeness is somewhere in the middle and she’ll get there.

Typically, the nudge to a more centric approach happens when someone she loves calls her to the carpet for her behavior. Or she may see it herself and begin to shift to a more balanced approach. But never, ever returning to the self-deprecating behavior of a ‘nice girl’ again.

If this is you or someone you know and love just know that:

  • Extreme selfish behavior is part of the journey for some as they deal with regret, anger, and frustration. They take on an F-you approach to anyone who even hints of taking advantage of them even if they’re not.
  • The pendulum swing will shift to a more centered approach to self-care. One that can encompass self-care and compassion to others as they heal from their past.
  • You’ll learn to practice kindness instead of being nice. Kindness is always your choice and you can bestow that upon anyone of your choosing. Kindness always empowers.

Have you experienced this in your own journey to healing and wholeness? I’d love to hear your story.



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